


All I Want

by Littorella



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Illustrated, M/M, Skating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 07:48:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16445741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littorella/pseuds/Littorella
Summary: A new coach sometimes means relearning everything, especially the things you believe about yourself.





	All I Want

The first time Yuuri properly skates onto the ice with Viktor as his coach, he trembles in anticipation. With each step, his heart threatens to fall out of his chest and onto the ice. His eyes are glued to every movement and expression.

Something flashes in his eyes that Yuuri cannot read. It twists up his insides to speculate.

“Let’s start with the basics,” Viktor says casually, “Show me your edges and how you approach a jump. Pick your favorite. Don’t jump, just the approach.”

With hesitant steps, Yuuri begins and goes through his eight edges before turning into the approach for a toe loop. It’s not his smoothest. He skids to a stop and looks to Viktor for approval.

“Hmm,” his coach murmurs something under his breath and announces, “Very good, Yuuri!”

Yuuri rubs the back of his neck and skates back to Viktor. It didn’t seem very good.

“You are a beautiful skater. But I think I know why jumps are so hard for you. You are directing with your shoulders and losing momentum. That is an outdated way of skating. You need to unlearn the habit and skate with your weight instead. You’ll get more power for your jumps.”

“I don’t understand,” Yuuri murmurs as he starts casting his eyes downward. The words echo in his head. Outdated. Unlearn. Wrong, wrong wrong.

“Here, watch. Lean further into your edge. Throw your weight into alignment, with your heart in the circle,” Viktor explains as he demonstrates. His blades cut with a graceful arc as he leans hard into the curve and glides backward. He switches edges and does the same on the side.

“The power you put on the edge is what directs you, not your shoulders.”

Yuuri holds his breath as he watches and listens. His heart is already falling. Viktor is here. Viktor whose edges are so clean they barely make a sound. Viktor who can glide halfway across the rink on a single push. Viktor who expects the same from Yuuri.

He glances at Viktor to see his reaction then immediately averts his eyes as to not be caught staring. Unlike his instructor, he can’t move as far or as quietly. The ice protests his blades with scrapes and scratches.

The pressure on his inside leg burns as he tries again and again.

Burning like the fear rising in his chest.

Burning like…

“Yuuri!”

The disappointment Viktor must feel to discover Yuuri is even more of a failure than he’d been led to believe… he gets up as quickly as he can and ignores the hand outstretched to offer help, as though help would only amplify his not being good enough.

“I’m fine.”

His coach takes his gloved hands into a firm grasp anyway. Viktor looks at him with growing concern as he feels the trembling against his palms.

“You’re shaking.” Mentally cursing his own two hands for betraying him so easily, Yuuri tried to will them to stillness.

“No, no, it’s okay, really.”

Viktor isn’t so easily persuaded. “What are you feeling?”

“I’m sorry, I’m a little nervous.” A lot nervous. More nervous that even when he’s in competition. This is a sensation he’s never felt before. Viktor’s presence greets him with the delight and delirium of endless possibilities. And the infinity becomes too awful to consider living without.

“Oh. Did you drink too much coffee this morning?”

Yuuri makes a surprised face. “No, I’m just…always like this.” That’s not quite what he meant to say.  _I can’t stand the thought of losing you._

“Then help me understand. I need to know your mindset, as your coach,” Viktor meets Yuuri’s eyes with intention, “Are you feeling ok? Am I making you anxious?”

“I um…” Yuuri waffles, evasive and frustrated, “I’ll just try again. I don’t want to waste your time.” He better get started if he was going to relearn how to skate all over again Viktor’s way. Rushing, he pulls his hands back in an attempt to end the conversation, but Viktor hangs on and grasps his hands tighter.

The running thoughts in his head stop with Viktor's words, and Yuuri sees out of the haze of the walls caving in. It’s clear in those piercing blue eyes he believes that Yuuri can fly on the ice and breathe it as if it were air.

That he won’t give up so easily.

That Viktor wants stay.

And so Yuuri begins to believe it too.

 

\- FIN -

* * *

 

Notes: Thanks for reading this little experiment with integrating illustrations. I had a real Yuuri moment on the ice with my new coach and a huge bruise on my hip to prove it XD

See more art on [tumblr](http://littorella.tumblr.com).


End file.
